The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
