You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My vagina is officially offended.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
