she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
