Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
