I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ambien. No doubt about it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
