I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
