I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
