dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
