Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
