I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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