it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
