My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
