The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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