last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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