fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
