If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
