this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
