Plan B is the new Plan A
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
