He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
