I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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