Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's on the porch naked. Help.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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