you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
