my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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