it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
