there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
