She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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