life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
