ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
