we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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