OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
