Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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