I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
