if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
