how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
