you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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