Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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