so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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