Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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