fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
