His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
