Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
