how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
