It's Friday. Sex?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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