I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
