I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
