and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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