He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
