So drunk its hurt
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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