quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
