my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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