honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
