my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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